No Man, No Sleep, and No Problems.

itsboopy

Aloha everyone!

a blog about motherhood, an obsession with make up and beauty products,

a self professed music geek, and real talk about life, love and mistakes.

Alright, let's start off by learning a little bit about me and my life . . . Woo!

No Man
For as long as I can remember, I was always searching for "the one." I was always settling for the guys who would treat me like a queen over text, promise me the world and yet ignore me around his friends. Oh wait, that's not completely true! I picked guys who used me for my body . . . So I suppose they didn't ALWAYS ignore me, right? Oh God *face palm*. As horrible as that sounds, it seems to be more common than what I originally thought. The more girls I talk to about this issue, the more I realize that we are kind of sell outs. We watch movies like The Notebook, we listen to Blake Shelton's love songs to Miranda Lambert, we read Nicholas Sparks books and we build up confidence in ourselves, because we see the potential in the opposite sex; however, we settle for less than we bargained for. Why? Well, because at least we're being noticed and loved at one point in the relationship, right? When it comes to myself, I can rattle off relationship advice like it's second nature. I can sound like I have ample amounts of confidence and that I would never, ever, ever let a guy treat me like chopped liver, but when it comes to my relationships, well . . . That's a whole different story, my friends. I can play hard to get, I can pretend not to really care, but right when we enter into an exclusive dating relationship, BAM, I'm jell-o in their hands. Ridiculous. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I have a need to try and fix people and their problems. I seem to attract the "damaged goods," you know the type: dark, brooding, SOMEONE SAVE HIM, kind of guy. I hate that type, though. If I could construct the perfect man for me, it would be someone who has a great sense of humour, always tries to see the positive aspects of difficult situations, not only treats me proper but treats my son like his own, takes schooling as seriously as I do, and isn't afraid to tell his friends that he's just going to spend the night with his little family instead of going out and getting hammered. Perhaps my views on men are quite biased and a little melancholy, but hey . . . Whatchu gonna do? Since my son has come along, though, I feel as though my confidence really isn't a facade anymore. I feel like I will be able to stand up for myself, not take any nonsense from anyone, and just wait for love to come my way for once. It's not just my heart anymore, it's my son's heart as well. I get so annoyed with people who are not with the child's other parent and they jump from one relationship to the next. Why in the world would you keep putting people in and out of your kids life?! Uhhhh uhhh, not cool!

No Sleep
I never imagined myself being a mother at a young age. I was so invested into my university education that the thought of ever becoming pregnant not only terrified me, but sickened me. I entered into a relationship when I was 18 in university and got pregnant quickly afterwards. As many young couples do when the girl gets pregnant, we split up . . . But that's a whole different can of worms to dig up, so I won't be doing that, and that's just the way she goes, friends. Once the initial shock of having a human growing inside my stomach subsided, I began to get pretty excited. The love I felt for the unborn child was overwhelming, beautiful and yet a little frightening. The realization that I was going to be a mother made me grow up fast, realize what was important even faster, and plan my life . . . Fastest? Well, anyways, I finished off my freshman year and some summer schooling, I planned out how I was going to continue living in the university city (an hour and a half away from my parents), I was going to get into the low income housing, I was going to suck up my pride and ask for social assistance, and I was also going to continue going to school that following September (I would have been 8 months pregnant when school resumed, by the way). As pretty much every mother in the world would do, mine told me exactly how it was. She let me know how ridiculous I sounded for even considering trying to balance work, school, a social life and a new born at once. To be honest, I didn't see it as being a big deal. How hard could a new born be to a single mother, right? WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. Anyways, I ended up moving home that summer, because everything just sort of fell apart. I had my son at the beginning of November and it is very lucky that my parents offered their home to me, because new borns are kind of a huge responsibility, in case you didn't realize that. I love my son to bits and pieces, but the boy is a terrible sleeper at night, everyone! He is now 3 months old and is still getting up between 2 and a billion times a night. I've just recently started intense sleep training with him, so cross your fingers that he will comply soon! Despite the sleep deprivation, the frustration of teething and fussiness, the fear of him growing up too quickly and how expensive a child is, he is THE best thing that has ever happened to me.

No Problem
I wouldn't suggest to any teenager, boy or girl, that they should grow up as quickly as having a child forces you to. I never truly understood why my parents always told me to stop trying to be an adult, stop trying to grow up so quickly and to never wish my "little life away," until the night I found out I was pregnant. Your teenage years are so short, despite what we all think when we're going through awkward puberty, when we have our first heart break, when we just want boobs so we can finally fill out that super cute bikini, and when we sit on our beds dreaming about our future husband, our wedding and what our kids will look like. Part of me thinks that if I could go back to when I was in grade 7 I would, because I could have made my junior high and high school experiences so much better if I just made better, smarter, decisions. If I stopped long enough to take a few breaths, look into the future and how I wanted my life to go, I probably would have been nicer to people, thought more positive about situations, been more open to suggestion and a lot more drama free. Then again, if I would have changed one tiny thing, I wouldn't be here writing this. I wouldn't have my son. I wouldn't have my perfect man written out on a napkin and I would still be seeking love like an idiot. Being a mother has changed my life in many ways - it has made me reanalyze the people in my life, rethink my actions, made me more conscious of the actions of others towards myself, and it has always made me more conservative, reserved and calm - and I can honestly say that it has made me a much better person.

until next time,
keep calm & carry on